I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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