Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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