She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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