i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize