whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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