I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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