and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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