Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
