You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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