They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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