Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
