That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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