Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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