i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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