you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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