Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
