I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
