she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
COCAINE IS GR8
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