she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
