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• (207): View more from Maine

  There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself

  (207): View more from Maine

  OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...

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• (585): View more from New York

  i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"

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• (585): View more from New York

  you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated

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  27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts

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• (561): View more from Florida

  He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.

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• (931): View more from Tennessee

  Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  Apparently love is stronger than SoCo

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  19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars

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• (916): View more from California

  That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I am thankful for thumbs.

  (425): View more from Washington

  Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.

  (425): View more from Washington

  Land dolphins.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH

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