That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite