If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.