Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes