So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
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So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.