i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
