omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
