there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
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hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
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If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.