There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
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He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
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That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH