I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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