I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
