tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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