Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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