when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
