Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
