i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
