I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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