Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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