Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
