like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
