words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
