Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize