well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
not ubering you a puppy
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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