I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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