cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
