i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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