Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
