I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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