It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize