Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
