listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
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i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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