Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
