it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
