just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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