Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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