but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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