I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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