I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Randomize
