i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
