Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize