My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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