This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
