I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
