That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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