What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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