I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
