but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
