i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
