you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
