I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
