So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
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