if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
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