I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
