My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize