Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
