She said her name was "party"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
