i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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