thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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