Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You pole danced in your parka.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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