So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
