The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
