I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
