I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
