She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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