is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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