I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
