Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
