Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
