I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
