I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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