i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
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He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
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We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I love you. Go after that dick
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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