dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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