You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
