fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think I am morally bankrupt
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
