I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
