I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i think i have herpe
just one?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
