She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
