omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
