He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
